Just listen, nod, make small comments that show you’ve heard what was said. Try not to fidget or shift around to show impatience or irritation.Īs much as you might want to jump in and save the day with the perfect solution, don’t do it. Lean in as the other person is speaking and look them in the eye on occasion (but not constantly). Keep an open, accepting posture with your arms and legs uncrossed. Try not to shift your eyes to pay attention to others around you.
Turn off your phone so you aren’t tempted to look at it. Your entire body needs to let the speaker know you are fully present. Empathy says, “I get you,” rather than “I get you because I’ve had it even worse.” You don’t need to share them for the speaker to know you understand what she is saying. True empathetic listening requires you leave your stories and experiences at the door. To the speaker trying to process difficult emotions, it can feel like you’re stealing their thunder or deflecting attention to yourself. Perhaps we have experienced a similar situation, so we share it to let the speaker know we understand. Sometimes we disguise empathic listening with words of sympathy. Patience is imperative if you truly want to help someone. You can’t rush the speaker through this process or expect them to accept your quick solution.
It’s easy to lose patience with a speaker who is processing his or her feelings and articulating them through the fog of emotion or confusion. Only when they release this backlog of emotion are they finally able to have clarity and the ability to reach conclusions. The speaker needs to feel they have all the time in the world to release the flood of feelings and worries they have bottled up inside. Here are 8 strategies for practicing empathic listening:Īctive, empathic listening requires time. As a follow-up to my earlier post introducing empathetic listening, I am providing some tips you can use to improve your relationships and communication.